Thursday, October 11, 2012

Men in Tights 2: The Revenge

To celebrate the latest instalment of Sparking Neurones delving into the psychological and spiritual aspects of Spider-Man I've rewritten the lyrics to the Spider-Man theme:

 Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Does whatever a spider can. 
Climbing walls, fighting crime. Like spiders do all the time. 
Look out, here comes the Spider-Man. 

 All his powers, could be mystic. The idea makes fanboys go ballistic. 
Can he rise from the dead? Didn't he used to be wed? 
Hey, there! There goes the Spider-Man. 

Why is his life so tragic? Maybe the spider's his totem? 
Could it be to do with magic? And has he got a super-powered scrotum? 

 Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Friendly neighbourhood, Spider-Man.
 His webbed mask lends him power. Stops him being a wallflower. 
Look out, here comes the Spider-Man. 

Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Friendly neighbourhood, Spider-Man.
His webbed mask lends him power. Stops him being a wallflower. 
Read about him in this column. I wonder why he moves like Gollum? 
You'll love the Spider-Man!

The Teeming Brain head honcho Matt Cardin suggested a Lovecraftian version of the song which led me to mangle the lyrics even more:

Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Does whatever a spider can. 
If he drops his underwear. You'll get a pretty big scare. 
Look out, here comes the Spider-Man. 

Is it a penis or a tentacle? They look almost identical. 
His willy's from another dimension. And also an SF convention. 
Hey, there! There goes the Spider-Man. 

I think you will find, his naughty bits look like Azathoth. 
How did this idiot god go blind? It wasn't through reading Isaac Asimov. 

Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Friendly neighbourhood, Spider-Man. 
His haunter of the darkness, is wrinklier than Agatha Harkness. 
Look out, here comes the Spider-Man. 

Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Friendly neighbourhood, Spider-Man. 
His haunter of the darkness, is wrinklier than Agatha Harkness. 
It also looks kinda like Cthulhu. His fave from Star Trek is Mr Sulu. 
Nerdy old Spiderman!

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